Have you ever felt like a stranger in a strange land and you haven’t even left home? My husband and I recently travelled to Denmark to visit my friend from college and I assure you, I felt more comfortable there than I have in my new role at work! Although I have been exposed to many facets of healthcare over my 25 year nursing career, this inpatient care manager role has to be one of the most disorienting for me. The heart of my role lays at the intersection of quality patient care and financial reimbursement. Each foot in a different canoe trying to stay afloat and navigate the waters to keep everyone moving in the same direction. So many cross currents and distractions in this strange land that can capsize you in a second.
Generally speaking, I would consider myself a curious, adaptable and intelligent person. Over the course of years, my friends have joked about how many positions I have held, often saying, “What are you doing now? I can’t keep up!” Thankfully the only one who has to make sense of it all is me, so no worries there. For the most part, I like the challenge and variety of being the stranger, learning the culture, and experiencing new things, but this time feels different. Perhaps it is the first role that so blatantly challenges my skills of adaptation and serves up all my grievances with the healthcare system on a silver platter. Am I just too old for all of this $#%@!
What I have come to realize about myself and this role over the last two months is that there are some things that you have to accept or you will drive yourself crazy! My capacity to learn is still there but it may not be as fast and come as easy at this time of my life where peri menopause seems to be wreaking havoc with me: mind, body and soul. I also am not going to be able to change “THE SYSTEM” from this role and need to accept that those are the parameters of the game. I have started to recite the serenity prayer that my grandmother taught me, it has helped. One can accomplish a lot with Serenity, Courage and Wisdom.
All this insight is helpful and yet I can still find myself caught up in the midst of the imagined storm. Panicking that I won’t know what to do or do it incorrectly, therefore impacting patient satisfaction or cost. Knowing that I have a role that impacts so many people in so many ways has been very daunting at times for me and yet so rewarding when I know I really helped to make a difference. Other than making every effort to learn this new land’s customs and norms, I have found that establishing boundaries for myself around when I cut off initiating new requests each day (the need really could be endless), as well as reminding myself that no one is going to die if I screw up, has helped immensely. When I am really struggling, I consciously make time to either do a short meditation, walk or connect with a colleague or close friend. These tools have been important to me in my efforts to find my way in this strange land and recreate balance. Lord knows I need it with my feet straddling those two canoes!
