We are just barely into March and have had snow both days. Today had to be at least three inches of the white stuff. The kind that compacts easily and can be sculpted. Hope my friend is going to enjoy cross-country skiing, I think to myself as I am shoveling so early on a Saturday morning. At least someone should enjoy themselves!
That last statement wasn’t entirely true. I was enjoying reminiscing about how we used to make snow slushees with the kids. It was the perfect snow to replicate Hawaiian shaved ice and I made a mental note to get some snow from the front (no yellow or brown snow there!) when I was done. Maybe I would make my own adult slushee later like the sake mist that Autumn and I had in Japan at Epcot this January. Even though it was early and my back was beginning to ache, I was also thankful that I wasn’t alone. It was bad enough that my husband had to go in this weekend for a work project, I couldn’t leave him to shovel all of it by himself. In turn that also meant that I wasn’t going it alone myself either. Funny how things work out that way. When you offer you assistance to another, it repays you tenfold. It felt good to support my husband in his efforts and his appreciation was shown both in word and deed.
Case in point, I helped him with the driveway and then went to the back patio to finish clearing a space for the dogs on my own. I had stopped after clearing the steps and two small pathways in either direction. Under the pretense of watching the crows fly overhead and catching a few drifting snowflakes upon my tongue, I looked up at the sky. Truth was that my back was starting to spasm and I wasn’t sure if I could finish. Just as I was turning to head back inside, there was my husband, shovel in hand.
Now I know we have been raised on fairytales where princes sweep you off your feet with bold and romantic actions but in that moment, I couldn’t have felt more loved and supported. I turned to him a little stunned saying, “Don’t you have to go to work?” The reply to my quizzical look was, “You help me, I help you.” That’s my guy, short and sweet. I smiled at him and we went about the business of clearing off the rest of the patio.
Over the past 25 years, we have had many ups and downs. Times when we couldn’t see past our own pain to be there for each other. As we have entered the 26th year of marriage, something seems to have shifted. We have remembered that first and foremost, we are friends. That we should always have each other’s backs, supporting and loving one another. Isn’t that truly what a partnership should be? Not a relationship where you keep score of everything being split even-steven; a very unrealistic expectation that I know all too well. In truth, life throws unexpected twists and turns at us and there will be times when one may have to carry more of the load than another based on capacity or ability. Knowing that there are always ways to contribute to the relationship and maintaining that desire in the face of adversity helps to sustain the marriage. With each experience, we gain more perspective and learn to adapt. The most important thing is that the intent to lighten the other’s load is always there. Love one another and remember that you are sharing the path together. May it lead to the best and most authentic version of living happily ever after.